From White House Surveillance Tapes 07-952 and 07-953.
Speakers: Cowboy and Karl
Timeline: 11:23 p.m., April 1, 2007
KR: Yeppers, Mr. President, imagine this: the aliens are attacking, and we have to meet a threat to the planet.
CB: What about the wall? Dangit! Where’s Rags? Is the bunker prepped?
KR: Uh, hang on there, sir. Just bear with me for a second, sir … it’s not a real attack. Look, I know, I know. The whole Eye-rack thing hasn’t been the PR bonanza we envisioned … who expected the public to care about the causes of the war so soon? I mean, they didn’t start deconstructing Pearl Harbor until the 70s!
CB: Goddamn videotape.
KR: But look, here’s a can’t miss proposition, sir. It has everything! Scary enemy, ready-made promotional materials, the potential for truly massive equipment expenditures, even a global mandate if we handle it right!
CB: Go on.
KR: It’s so plausible. People are ready for it. Every time things get a little dicey … a little ecological collapse, economic disintegration, political turmoil, yadda yadda … the aliens are right there, ready to take over. It’s a familiar situation …
CB: Yeah, right, familiar sitcherashun.
KR: Good try, sir. Try to concentrate … So here’s the lowdown: some smartass reporter who actually reads (who knew?) finds this book by a couple of moonbats in Arizona with initials after their names. They claim to have developed a defense strategy for the planet against (get this!) ALIEN INVASION.
KR: You got it! You seeing it, sir? It’s frickin’ brilliant! Want to piss off Putin? Claim those missile batteries we’re planting on his border are to defend against SPACE ALIENS. They have NOTHING to do with the Russkies at all …
KR: Need to drop a few megatons on Ahmedinnadouchebag* in Eye-ran? No no, sir, it’s the OTHER “eye-place”, the one next door. That’s right, the one with the Eye-atollahs!
KR: Well, look, we just visit Tehran with a few B-2s some afternoon and Hell, just blame it on the SPACE ALIENS!
KR: It can’t lose, sir.
KR: Now all we gotta do is scare the crap outa those NASA weenies. Have them “discover” that the aliens’ll be here in – what’s good for you, sir? – 17 months? “Martial law to fight the Martian Menace!” … it writes itself!
CB: I dunno. Won’t someone want to see the aliens? I mean the WMDs and all ….
KR: Heh! We’ve got 50 years of Hollywood to draw on!
CB: Er, um ….
KR: Okay, okay, you sleep on it, sir. We’ll keep this one in the can for now, but consider it as a contingency, okay?
G’night, Mr. President.
* Thanks to Bill Shatner for the moniker!
Note from Muninn! Click on post title for backstory-Thanks